It's me. Only digital.

Sorry it's been so long since I posted here last.  Sometimes, there's just not much to say, and that's really an okay thing.  Coasting through life is quite fine, especially in light of what I'm about to report.

I'm here again mostly because I'm in shock.  My previous post about a friend whose mother passed and how it caused a reunion of sorts between she and I has been set in motion yet again.  (Let's not try to diagram that sentence, huh?  Oy.)  Not that the motion had ever stopped, mind.  We've been emailing and things ever since she went back to Indiana, but I got stunning news yesterday.

She's on her way back again...b/c her sister died Tuesday.

*blinks* 

This sister has a very sordid past and from the looks of things, a very sordid ending, filled with unknowns and questions and no communication from her husband to the surviving family.  I almost found out about the death before Jen did, for heaven's sake.  But, that's not the focus of today.

Today's focus for me will be to caretake her.  Only one sister as family now (minus her husband and children, but you know what I mean), and the "family" she'll be greeting at the funeral home this afternoon isn't filled with people she knows or trusts.  I'm going to offer myself to stay with her, or to take the younger kids out to the movies or something if things get stressed and awkward at the funeral home.  The worst truth of it all?  It's quite possible the husband killed her...so...stress is an understatement, at best.

*sigh*  Hopefully, all the worry is for naught and it will just be a weird, quiet gathering of strangers.  The funeral is tomorrow and I'd like to avoid it if at all possible, but I'm going to do what Jen needs, not what I want. 

She said yesterday that she felt like she'd been hit by a freight train.  And she has.

Yes, coasting through life with nothing of interest to post or discuss??  I'll take that over her current lot any time.

We all have them.  Friends of our past that meant the world to us at one time and through time, distance, day to day living, we somehow lost connection with them.  Yes, we still think of them often.  Yes, we say, "I need to phone _____," from time to time and yes, our intentions of doing so are as sincere as they could possibly be.  But, it doesn't happen and then so much time has passed, no one knows where to start up again.

Then, something strikes in the life of that friend and you have no choice but to buck up to your negligence and be there as a support for them.  It's possible they'll reject it.  It's more than likely they won't and all the years where your lives were separately lived will melt in the arms of a caring friend of the past.  You'll pick up right where you left off, any apologies will be brushed aside as unnecessary and a friendship can be renewed.

My friend had to bury her mother yesterday.  A mother that wasn't all the best at being a mom, try as she might.  And it was the trying that kept Jen from tossing the relationship out altogether, but it was the "not the best" that made the day a little more difficult than it might have been.  It was a day to realize, it was never ever going to get better than its best moments.  Moments many of us might think weren't so "best" after all. 

But, it's all Jen has to hang onto with the memory of her mom.  So, as someone who was there through the most difficult years with her mother, I'm glad we are at a point in our lives where the missing moments don't define the whole friendship.  That we could pick up where we left off.  That even though her mother is gone, and her mourning is only beginning, we can try again at the friendship we both know we're meant to have. 

And this time, since we're older and wiser, we're going to succeed.  Miles be damned.

When the words, "my faith was destroyed," are uttered, and the person to whom they are uttered tears up and has a few quiet, listening moments of sorrow, how is the speaker to respond?

I was the speaker and an old friend, a lady pastor friend as a matter of fact, was the crier.  Her faith has always been an enigma to me, even in my days of solid, unwavering belief.  Today, however, in her tears, in her pain at my lost faith, her disparate spirituality became clear.

Did I need to lose my faith completely so that of someone else's becomes clear?  Maybe in understanding hers, I can regain some of mine back.  Refined and redefined, to be sure, but maybe clarity begets clarity.

In time, of that much I am sure.  None of this is to be settled quickly.

...we put this Christmas to rest.  Well, actually, one more will be waiting - the "I can't wait 'til it's done, but I hate to do it," bit of taking down the decorations.

A family Christmas party is on the agenda for today.  I've made a scrumptious smelling zucchini gratin, recipe courtesy of the ever awesome Ina Garten, and the kids are just gasping with excitement to go.  Except not.  Well, the zucchini part is true - just not the excitement part. 

It's curious to me really.  I think their biggest beef is that they have to share Web Papa.  All of my cousins have kids as well, and everyone, I mean everyone loves Web Papa.  But, for just this once, they'll have to grin and bear it.  I think Web Daughter will be the oldest of that generation there, so I'm sure she'll be a constant appendage.  I'll encourage her to take a non-meaningful sketch pad to keep herself occupied. 

They'd rather take the Wii.  Heh.  Tough cookies.

Speaking of, that game system has been worth the effort it took to get.  You don't sit and play - you're up and moving and exercising.  I'm enjoying the bowling and tennis and I seem to have some sort of a personality conflict, but I'll crack it yet. 

Maybe I'll even lose a couple pounds in the process.  Never a bad thing. 

It was a delightful Christmas - great food, thoughtful gifts, and minus a bizarre trip to the in-laws, fun times with family.  Really, who could ask for more?

The insanity is kicking up, so I wanted to come in and wish everyone a happy holiday - whatever you might celebrate.  Looking forward to hearing all kinds of good stories from you amazing strangers once things settle down.

Where do all those people live!?  Did some last minute shopping today - just cleaning up the little bits and pieces that are almost forgotten every year.  The number of people doing the same thing was mind blowing.  I'm not naive.  It's 9 days before The Big Day, but I just kept looking at the numbers of cars, the numbers of people, the grandiose numbers of humanity and couldn't stop asking myself where all these people keep themselves when they're not out and about the week before Christmas.  Surely there are secret hiding places or something.

Fortunately, it was a nice day.  Unseasonably warm and beautiful, the time with Web Daughter was lovely, and we were successful in our ventures.  I'm so grateful I can have days like this with her.  She turns 17 tomorrow.  ::gulp::  Seventeen.  I think I'll pontificate about that tomorrow.

As it is now, I have to bake her cake and wrap her gifts.  And spend a  few moments snuggled on the couch with her, wondering how time flew so fast that she's now 6" taller than me.  Because truly, it was just yesterday I was slipping her chunky little wiggly legs into giraffe embroidered footy pajamas to be taken home for the first time.  Yesterday, I tell you.

At least so far.  It didn't start going to shit until after the kids got home yesterday, but I'll take today's sunshine, and lower anxiety and hold it close. 

Have a shopping day with Web Nana tomorrow...my mother.  Looking forward to it; she's good at hearing my words of insecurity and picking out what I'm really trying to say, rather than just hearing the blather that's coming out. 

Enjoying some Christmas music today, more than I have up to now.  Normally, I listen to it; today, I'm enjoying it.  I even found a torrent of John Denver's Christmas with the Muppets.  There's just nothing like Miss Piggy going whole hog on the "5 golden rings" of The Twelve Days of Christmas.  In fact, let me upload and share it with you.  It's worth a giggle.

Oh, and It's Come To This..., I've tried to reply to your comments yesterday, but I'm having formatting issues or something.  My curser won't go into the reply box.  *buggar*  Anyway, I did indulge in a little Kahlua, thanks to your comment - chilled the old broad right out.  :)

Know the mood where you don't even want to be around yourself?

Yeah.

That's the one.

Good god, this afternoon and evening have sucked all kinds of suck.  I can't even blame something fun like hormones. 

Teenagers and worries and anxiety and stupidity and...bah. 

Ready for a new day, oh yes I am.  Fortunately, it's not many hours away.

What are your superstitions? 
Submitted by lazywong.

These are so lame, it's embarassing.  First, when I eat M&M's, I have to eat an even number at a time, preferrably 4.  When I get to the end of my helping...I toss a boatload in my mouth for a full mouthful of chocolatey goodness.  Oh, and if anyone shares the bag/helping with me, they must take an even number, or I get all weird.  It's like it'll muss with the goodness of the M&M's.

The second one is a pure superstition, not just an oddity.  When I board a plane, I have to board with my left foot first and touch the outside of the plane with my right hand.  Assures me of safety, which yes, like most superstitions, is stoopid.  Don't care.  I'll even slow the line down should I forget to switch the things in my hands so my right hand is free. 

Show us something by your favorite artist.
Submitted by Miss Parker